Incidents of infertility and adoption in the LDS church are more common than most people realize. (This is evident from the number of stories that I've heard regarding the couple who "got pregnant as soon as they tried to adopt!".) :p
Even so, there are a lot of myths surrounding infertility and adoption. Most of these come from outdated information or even just folklore. Infertile people are told to "just relax" or "maybe all you have to do is show Heavenly Father how faithful you are and then he'll give you a baby".
Regarding adoption, some people think that all birth mothers are teenagers (actually, most are in their 20s), some think the agency chooses the adoptive family (the birth mothers make that decision), and some think all adoptions are -or should be- closed, meaning the birth family never has contact with the child again (actually, open adoptions are now actively encouraged by LDS Family Services). For more Adoption Myths, click here.
Every story of infertility and adoption has similar elements, but everyone's story is ultimately different.
This is my story.
Que and I met when we were both 16. We started dating at 18 and I even "waited" for Que when he served his mission to Bolivia. After he returned home we were married in the Salt Lake Temple. We had been married for about 18 months when we decided we would try to start our family. This began what would be a six-year emotional roller coaster. After doctors and surgeries couldn't help us, we were left feeling hopeless and frustrated. (It's a good thing Que and I have each other!)
Finally, for me, I realized that my desire to be a mother outweighed my desire to be pregnant. Beginning the adoption process finally gave me hope I had never felt before. And even though I knew it would be hard, it felt right.
My journey up until now has underscored for me the importance of the atonement and how much my Father in Heaven loves us. I realized that even if Que and I were never blessed in this life with raising children, that it was not a sign that He loved us less or that we were somehow being punished.
I don't yet know the ending to our adoption story. And that's ok because we will do our part while putting our trust in Him and submitting our will to His.
To be continued...
Brittany was born and raised in Utah. She graduated from West Jordan High School and Salt Lake Community College. In 2001 she married her sweetheart, Que, in the Salt Lake Temple. They currently live in the Salt Lake valley with their golden retriever, Madison, and their cat, Parley P. Cat. When she's not working, she enjoys reading about Joseph Smith and the temple, remodeling homes with Que (she designs, he builds), playing the piano, and reading books by her favorite authors, Jane Austen and Edith Wharton. She is the author of the book Prepare Now for the Temple and is currently hoping to adopt. Her writing blog is www.authorbee.blogspot.com and her adoption blog is www.queandbrittanysblog.