There. I said it. I feel better now.
Like the people who use a popular blog site to air their secrets, I choose this one. I have had 23 Mother's Days to test my theory and so trust me, I've given this a lot of thought. The first one went pretty well. I was pregnant and my wonderful husband bought me a and a nice card. I thought, "wow...this is pretty awesome. I get another holiday designed to honor me." It's like being told you just received another birthday.
Well year two and thereafter crushed that dream. Mother's Days seem to be when my children are at their worst. Crying babies, fighting siblings, dirty kitchens where teenagers made meals, and a look of desperation on my husbands face if I look unhappy. Even at church I seem to be given the carnation that is dying or is grabbed out of my hand while the stem snaps and I end up carrying around a dead stemless flower.
Expectations seem too high to be met. After all my kids are still my kids even though it is the second Sunday in May.
It dawned on me on one particularly bad Mother's Day that my rewards and accolades cannot be planned or scheduled. They are delicious drops of dew scattered over the years. They are the look of relief on my daughter's face when she finishes the school project at 1 am that she had weeks to do but waited until the last day and I stayed by her side gluing and pasting and cheering her on. It is the shining nervous face of my son at the MTC as we sing, Called to Serve" together knowing that he will take a piece of my heart to the jungles of Guatemala. It is the daughter who upon graduating this week from BYU, whispers in my ear that she couldn't have done it without me.
These are my Mother's Days. These are MY moments of honor.
My 15 year old daughter has taken up jogging in the evenings. For a couple of weeks I have watched her lace up and take a sibling to go for a little jog, all the while thinking that I should be joining her. But then I would get sweaty... but I needed to. So finally I asked her one day if she'd like for me to join her, after all, she clearly likes company. She's always taken either her 10 year old sister or her 17 year old brother.