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The 10 Commandments of Blogging

1. Thou Shalt Not Have Auto Play

We knowest that thou liketh the music. However, when thou shares a video, or is telling me about a touching moment in thine day, I do not needeth to hear "Baby Got Back!" at 1,000,000,000,000 dB. (<-thateth means decibels.) I also do not appreciateth having to scour your sidebar for the mute button so that I can restarteth the video in the first place....eth.

  2. Thou Shalt Not Cram Thy Sidebars with Crap

It is not appeasing to mine eye. And I shall see fit that you know it by declaring today UnCluttering Day in Blogdom, which will be celebrated from henceforth and forever on the first Friday of every month. So go, and do these things which I have commanded or else be faced with mine wrath.

3. Thou Shalt Obey the Law of Attribution

And give credit where credit is due. Thou shalt NOT steal other people's words. (Tho if thou must do a meme every now and again, we bequeath thee, to make it original and genuine.)

4. Thou Shalt Respect the Blogger

We wisheth to make you understand that bloggers are sharing their life with thee. They should be treated with dignity and respect. Thy blog is an extension of thy living room, so if whosoever asks that ye removeth your shoes before entering, you shall receive him inasmuch with a willing heart. Noteth of Great Importance: Etiquette is Subjective. What action is required and applauded on one blog may not be on another. Use wisdom in thy dealings with thy fellowmen.

5. Thou Shalt Be Brief. And to the Point. And use correct Grammar.

We knoweth thou has lots to say. But in doing so, you must excite us and help us to understand. Thy blog readers are like sheep, and they are easily misguided and lost amid long-winded paragraphs. Be a good shepherd and help us to understand thy parables, that we might learn from them.

6. Thou Shalt Blog For Thyself

If thyself does not love thy blog, we cannot love thy blog. Wouldst thou go a a week without food or drink? I say nay, but thou wouldst abandon thy blog with no second thought? Verily, I say unto you, it is not required that thou shall post daily, but more than 10 days is cause for alarm. If thou dost vacation, thou shall leave notice in the form of a post.

7. Thou Shalt Not Post Incessantly

Thou art not Perez Hilton. Thou dost not need to update thy blog when thou goeth to the bathroom. Thou must be strong and resist the urge to share that one hath made use of the toilet at precisely 12:14. Less thou had a child in that bathroom, I really shalt not care. Quality, not quantity, is the proper aim.

8. Thou Shalt Screw the Numbers

We knowest that thou liketh the comments. Leaneth in closer as I am about to impart great wisdom on thee..... the numbers don't matter. Thou art blogging for thyself. And thyself rocketh. Show us how much thou rocketh, and we shall give thee praise. But if thou hideth thine awesomeness under a great rock, we shall not see it. It is with great wisdom that I tell you to ignore thine statistics. Thy head doth get too caught up in the nonsense, and then the head doth command the fingers to do stupid things. If thou are questioning if something thou didst was stupid, it probably was. There are many a great unknown and obscure blogs. We say it is better to be obscure than to be crap. And above all, thou shalt remember, connection beats transaction.

9. Thou shalt link with love

Thou shalt not demand link love be reciprocated. If thou lovest a blog and wish to link, then thou art welcome. If thou liketh a blog but only because thou wisheth to be on thy blogroll, then I say to ye, Get Over Thineself, thy goal is transparent as a windowpane. Nevertheless, be generous with your link love, and build connections with thy readers. Generosity begets generosity.

10. Thou Shalt Respect Privacy

Whilst thine own blog is welcome to all, your fellowmen mayst not appreciate the traffic. Truly, thine fellowman may be journaling for none other than his self. They may feel nervous and scared when unknown forces fall upon him. If thou wishes to link, use the same discretion of thine fellowman. Do not use their entire full names, as they are highly google-able. And thou shalt not collect email addresses for purposes of spam.

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