So yesterday Harrison comes upstairs crying because Rex has caused him bodily harm. I wasn't paying much attention to Harry and kind of mumbled the standard, "Oh, I'm sorry honey blog blog blog". Then Harrison looks me in right in the glazed over eye and says, "Well, aren't you gonna give him a time-out?"
Snap. Oh. Right. I'm supposed to give him a time out. "Uh, sure honey," I respond half-heartedly, trying to surface long enough to play Mommy. But Rex is downstairs and I am upstairs, I really don't feel like...
"Rexy!" Harrison yells in a cheerful sing-song voice. "Come up and see Mommy! She's got CANDY!"
Candy? I have candy? Wait wait wait. Is my son really using candy to lure his baby brother into a web of time-out?
"It's so yummy, come see Mommy!"
Horror, shock, slight admiration. Where did he learn this?
"Candy?" Rexy calls out in his chirpy three-year-old voice, "I love candy!" He bounds upstairs and into my reluctant arms.
There was so much wrong with this situation that I didn't even know where to start parenting. I'm supposed to let Harrison lie in order to find personal justice? I don't think so. But then again, I wasn't jumping out of my chair to discipline his naughty little brother and a little part of me kind of respects his forwardness.
So, Rex got a time-out and Harrison got the lecture about lying. It goes something like this.
"Harrison? Where do liars go?"
"To the Devil," he mumbles.
"That's right. And you can't take Mommy or Daddy or your blankie with you to the Devil. Is that what you want?"
"Then apologize to your brother and try to stay away from the Devil."
This is called highly effective brainwashing. Just look for "Brainwashing 101" at your local Mommy College, if you need a refresher course.
Annie Valentine is living her dream as a newspaper columnist and plans to be syndicated and take over the world sometime in the next two years. In the meantime, you will usually find her folding the whites. Her hilarious blog, Regarding Annie is one you should bookmark. Like now.