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Things NOT to Say to Someone Who is Infertile

As I have struggled with infertility, it has also come with struggles with family and friends. Many of them, usually who do not have the same problem, say, "I have no idea what to say." This is common. Let me tell everyone out there, IT IS OKAY! Infertility is a touchy subject. It is hard to understand if you have never been through it. Good heavens, It is hard to understand if you have been through it!

Let me just give some pointers on things not to say. They are cliche, and actually become jokes among us infertiles.

1. "It will happen in the Lord's time." Let me begin by saying I promise an infertile woman is VERY aware of the Lord's time. She must have total faith in it to even get through. The Lord's time is not predictable to any of us, so this almost seems like someone saying, "It will happen yesterday, today, or tomorrow." It is not really very comforting. The better thing to say would be, "Heavenly Father is aware of you. He will be there throughout this." This statement is very comforting, at least it has been for me.

2. "Just adopt! I know so and so who adopted and then she got pregnant right after." Reasonably, this is not a great infertility plan. It is like me saying, "Just use cycle tracking to avoid pregnancy. I know someone who did it and she is not pregnant." We all know that is an individual decision and everyone has different results.

In addition to this, adoption is a huge decision, and a difficult decision. It takes complete faith and submission to the Lord's will. It is also letting go of your wants as a woman, like feeling your baby kick in your tummy. These desires are sad to let go of. The decision is major and life changing.

3. "You need to relax." "Go on vacation." Let me tell you from experience, it is almost impossible to relax when going through infertility. Imagine, if you will, your child going missing for a few hours. There is a huge hole in the pit of your stomach, right? Like you have lost one of the most important things to you. That is what infertility feels like all of the time, like you are missing your child.

As women, our Heavenly Father has blessed us with that motherly instinct. That instinct is given to all women. Children fulfill that instinct, that is how the Lord intended it. It is nerve racking to feel like you are not fulfilling that responsibility.

Let me end by giving some advice. The best way to show love to someone suffering from infertility is just to let them know you are there. That you care. That you love them. Just be a great friend and remember that you can't take their pain away, but you can help relieve by serving her and loving her. Just remember to show Christlike love and you will know exactly what to say and how to be there for her. Christ showed the way for all things.

Kelly is a stay at home wife, married to her husband, Will, for 6 years. She has struggled with infertility for 5 years and Kelly and Will are trying to adopt their first child. She spends much of her time online, blogging about infertility, adoption, and serving others at 'Giving What I am,' her online journal, and also doing graphic design to raise money for her adoption at Modern Blitz Designs.

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