I like to imagine that there is a big screen television in heaven.
At the end of the day, tired from saving the world, the heavenly hosts sit back in their over-stuffed cumulonimbus clouds, eating sin-free chocolate and forbidden fruit ice cream. They flip to their favorite comedy show, "The Mommy Channel".
This reality show features mortal mommies as they strive to conquer parenthood.
I was featured on December 8, 2009.
I finish pinching the crust to my perfectly decadent Turkey Pot Pie. What can I say? I am a perfect homemaker and always have fabulous homemade dinners for my family.
(Insert smile with perfect white teeth that flash a sparkle your way.)
No, no wait... that's not right. Oh sorry, I must have been daydreaming again.
I finish pinching the crust on my Turkey Pot Pie. After all, when you buy a 27 pound turkey for Thanksgiving, not knowing that 27 pounds is on the larger end of the turkey weight scale, you tend to have lots and lots of leftovers, and you start getting desperate.
Still, I am rather pleased with myself and place my beauty in the oven. I then turn my attention to the sink overflowing with dirty dishes and the floor covered in crushed Cheerios.
Savannah sits on the kitchen floor painting Jacob's toenails; Joseph observes attentively. Alayna plays with toys in the living room and all is well.
*sniff... sniff...* What is that smell!?
I look in the oven and see that a piece of my pie crust has fallen off and landed on the heating element below. I leap into action, throwing open the oven door only to get slapped in the face by a billow of smoke.
Hoping the fire alarm won't go off, I quickly try to open the kitchen window. It's frozen shut, of course.
I turn my attention back to the oven as more crust drips off my pie. Desperately snatching oven mitts and a cookie sheet, I quickly push my not so swell looking pie onto the cookie sheet and place it on top of the oven.
I grab a metal spatula (because, surprisingly, I had enough sense not to use a plastic one) and attempt to scoop and scrape up all the fallen crust. By now Alayna has crawled into the kitchen and as the crust catches fire I yell at Savannah to grab Alayna and keep her away from the oven.
At this point, all of heaven erupts into laughter, which explains the unusual amount of light we got that day.
As I wrestle with flaming pie crust dough, Alayna screams at the top of her lungs, struggling to get away from Savannah, who yells back at Alayna that it's hot and dangerous. Jacob jumps and screams that there's fire, while Joseph yells that he wants more Cheerios. (Okay, so there really wasn't much more than a single flame but it sounded more dramtic this way.)
My house smells like smoke, my pot pie looks like someone has just stepped in it, my dishes still sit in the sink, and I think some of the Cheerio crumbs have settled into Jacob's wet toenail polish.
I have to wonder where the stereotype for stay-at-home-moms who "sit on the couch, watch movies and eat bon bons all day" comes from. Because I sure wouldn't mind a day like that!
What's one of your mommy (or daddy) channel moments?
*photo courtesy of Walmart.com
Serene is a mom of four kids in four and a half years who loves chocolate, art, and high heels. She blogs over at Serene is my name, not my life! She is also a freelance artist. View her work HERE!