I asked a good friend to write me a letter of recommendation the other day. You see, I've decided to go back to school and better myself and I need money to do it - more specifically, scholarship money. One particular scholarship required people I know to write letters describing my good qualities.
Asking for this letter was like pulling my fingernails off with pliers. But I did it. ('Cause I'm bettering myself, right?)
I got one of those letters back today - and let me tell you, it was worse to get the letter than to ask for it! Not because it was bad. No, in fact, it was good. Too good. It discussed the many good qualities my friend thinks I have.
Boy, was he ever fooled!
At least, that's what goes through my head when I read/hear/see/think good things about me.
I'm not sure why this is. I know it's ridiculous to see myself so negatively. I know that I don't want my children to see themselves (or me) in such negative tones. I want them to grow up and appreciate how wonderful they are.
Just what my own mother wanted for me. (Help me, I'm turning into my mother!)
Why is it that we hesitate to take compliments? Those of you that share my penchant for That Girl's blogs will probably recall a post that talked about this very same issue. (I can give credit where credit is due, but don't try to make me take it.)
Perhaps I see myself too much in shades of black and white. Since I cannot be perfect then I must be the farthest thing from it. Since I ran out of patience, perhaps I never really had any. Since I cannot control my temper, maybe I am actually a mean person. Since I didn't execute my vision to it's full potential, then my vision must have been flawed to begin with.
Rather than seeing my potential as potential, I see it as my shortfall.
So, perhaps, my journey to bettering myself should begin today, with this letter from a friend. Perhaps my first step is outside myself, looking in, finding the goodness that others see and building on that. Perhaps my first lesson will be about perfection.
We attain perfection a little at a time, with the Lord’s help. “...We go from grace to grace, up the steps of the ladder, and thus we improve and perfect our souls.” That is our challenge - to begin today. - Visiting Teaching Message: 'Be Ye Therefore Perfect', June 1989
Sarah is a SAHM with aspirations of seeing her name on a Dean's list. Even if it's a Dean's list of groceries. When she's not plotting her return to school and subsequent takeover of the world at large, she's writing random things on her blog, State of Obvious.