I do not need a therapist.
The other day my oldest two were getting ready for bed and I had a case of the paparazzi's. I choose to call it that, because suffocation or smothering sound far less glamorous. Parents know how this goes (at least that's what I tell myself when I think my kids are out of control and no-one else's act this way), you wish you could complete a thought in your head. You wish you could walk more than two steps or flush the toilet by yourself! And, while we're at it, let's fess up to taking chocolate into the bathroom to hide yourself for 60 seconds of sanity.
Amidst the paparazzi episode, my mind wandered (imagine that!) to my own mother's voice recently.
"Be grateful for this time in your life...it goes by too quickly and then they're gone...that's when you actually realize how wonderful it was to have tiny ones at home".
Maybe because I'm a stubborn German, I racked this comment up to the grass always being greener or Mom is entering stages of dementia and can't remember that well, or being flabbergasted that it took my Mom so long to recognize that I was a remarkably wonderful kid!
For some odd reason I thought about life without the fan-club-groupies huddled inside my personal bubble right then. I thought about what I would be doing that very second if it wasn't listening to the story from school that I barely understand; witnessing a 2-year old streaker in my peripheral that I should be catching, or helping to pick out pajamas - the 'special' ones-- and the background din of "mom...mom...mom..mom".
And, we all know this is happening simultaneously, right? What would I be doing if all of it was gone?
Almost like a surreal flashback from Lost, the room went empty and quiet. And, so was my purpose.
I imagined my daughter at college and Son #1 on a mission, Son #2 in High School. What would it be like at that very second, for that week?
(ok, like after the slammin' clothes you are wearing and the spotless house you are sitting in)
I dare you to zone out and picture your life without the physical exhaustion, the mental numbness and the emotional edge that tiny ones at home can bring us. Countless times I fantasize about the sophisticated and alluring things I could be doing.
I watch other mother's and compare myself.
I can do many sophisticated and alluring things while being a mom to little ones; things that I wont get a second chance to do. Try mastering the fine art of easing your child's mind, quieting a tantrum - which can make you feel like a Superhero. Don't forget unlocking the secrets to de-mustarding a hamburger, or using smartie's as bargaining chips.
I look forward to that season when it is all about me. But for now, this experience has brought excitement to revel in the present. I've got Groupies to impress and traditions to enrich my family with. When in doubt, remember that you are Headmaster of Headquarters lady, so you better make it great!
I'm off. I've got some Diem to Carpe!
Married to the hilarious Bro. Wray, Kristen is the mother of 3 inconceivably amazing Humans and Humphry, the St Bernard. Residing in LDS Church Headquarters; when she's not golfing, reading or being sarcastic, Kristen can be found trying to catch her racing mind. At war to keep traditions and values alive with Things To Learn At Home.com