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Friendship: When To Let Go and When to Start Over

Friendships can be some of the most fulfilling relationships we have.  They enrich our lives and push us to be better.  What if a friendship has ran its course? When is the time to call it quits?

I have been in a friendship with "Ashley" for over 10 years.  She and I have had many ups and downs.  Our friendship has been through boyfriends, high school, marriages, missions, miscarriages, loss, anger, loneliness, and just about everything else. We have called it quits on many occasions and have started over just the same.  Let me share some tips on making friendships last though all the drama of life.

When to let go:

1. Growing apart is totally natural.  Life changes and along with that people change.  It is okay to admit that you have changed.  Your friends should love those changes in you and want you to become better. There may be times that marital status, missions, or babies take you on a different path than your friend. The best friendships can meet again a few miles down the road and never feel like there was a separation.

2. When there is just too much drama, it is time to rethink the friendship. Hurt feelings aren't always resolved by talking it out. Sometimes, the best medicine is time away from each other. In general, women are emotionally charged.  Taking some time away from this emotion is okay, and is usually best to sort out your feelings.

3. When you feel like you are giving too much and your friend is not giving the same back to you, talk to her about how that makes you feel.  Good friends try and step it up if they hear the other is not feeling loved.  If not, then reevaluate how much you should be giving to that person.

When to start over:

1. If there are unresolved issues, these need to be sorted out.  If the issues have fizzled and there is a desire to become closer, slowly share more and more.  Remember, slowly sharing yourself again is the best policy as to not over do it and feel hurt again.  This is a good time to judge whether it is going to work.

2. When you get to the point were you want to talk to your friend so you dial her number and hang up, drive by her house, or see her and want to talk but decide not to. This is where people usually don't want to be the first to say I am sorry, or everything is okay.  Get rid of that pride!  If you want to talk to them, call!  I did it! I hadn't talked to Ashley for a year.  I wanted and needed her friendship so bad.  I finally called.  We were both grateful I did. You can do it too!

3. After making the effort to slowly become friends again, you realize it is not going to work. It is okay! I promise there are friends out there that it will work with.  If you are having a hard time finding one let me know and I will be your friend.

When all is said and done, remember, friendships are here to lift us up.  They are there to help us be ourselves.  If you cannot do that, then it is time to reevaluate.


Kelly is a stay at home wife, married to her husband, Will, for 6 years. She has struggled with infertility for 5 years and Kelly and Will are trying to adopt their first child. She spends much of her time online, blogging about infertility, adoption, and serving others at 'Giving What I Am,' her online journal, and also doing graphic design to raise money for her adoption at Modern Blitz Designs.

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