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My funeral Specifications

Recently, in Relief Society, they passed out emergency contact forms for all of us to fill out. On it were spaces to put three different people that they could call in case we were in medical trouble or other kinds of trouble and we were unable to contact our loved ones.

After filling out my three contacts, I noticed the lower half of the form was blank, so I took it upon myself to add a couple of things I felt the Relief Society should know just in case --heaven forbid--something happened to me and *cough cough* a funeral needed to be planned.

I know. I'm morbid. Or am I?

You know that good ol' boy scout motto:

Be Prepared.

Here's pretty much what I wrote and some other things I've recently wanted to add but haven't found the time to jot them down. Until now, that is.

For my funeral, I want there to be daises.  Everywhere. On my casket. In arrangements on the podium, on the table outside next to the book that people sign, and on every table for the luncheon afterward. I want it to look like a field of daisies blew up in that church building.

By no means is jello of any kind allowed at my funeral luncheon. Whomever invented the concept of jello salad as an acceptable dish at a funeral needs to be forced to eat it in heaven for eternity. I loath jello salad, jello squares, jello with fruit, jello with carrots, jello with whipped cream....and every other jello concoction the common man (or woman) can fathom.

Speaking of the luncheon: I would like there to be everything chocolate. Chocolate fountains with all kinds of yummy things to dip in the chocolate.  For example:  fruit, pretzels, brownies, candy bars, cookies... anything else you can think of...except jello. Remember:  that stuff is forbidden!  Seriously, I will come back and haunt whomever tries to sneak that "nastiness" into my funeral. You think I'm joking? Just try me.

I want music at my funeral. In fact, I want it to feel like a Broadway musical. Group numbers, duets, trios, solos, dance numbers, sad songs, happy songs, funny songs....everything. And please, if needs be, hold try-outs. Don't make it like "American Idol" but make sure the people who are put in charge of the music portion of my funeral know a good voice from a not so good voice. It should be like a "Glee" episode, only really, really morally clean.

If I pass away when my children are still young, I hereby authorize my entire Relief Society to make sure if my husband does decide to re-marry, that they approve of the woman that he chooses. I know, I know-- That's  a heavy load. But,  knowing my husband and him being completely distraught, he may be bamboozled by some crazy woman-- who despite her incredibly good looks -- may be a horrible mother to my kids.

In my casket, I want my hands to hold a bowl and inside that bowl I want a bunch of Hershey hugs and kisses with the personalized message of "Thank you for coming. Love, Katy" on the little papers that stick out of them. Make sure there is a sign next to the bowl with the words, "Please, take one." written on it. Seriously, I want that.

Make sure my kids are taken to the Temple. Often. Make sure my husband goes to the temple just as often. Go with him if you need to. Drive him there if you need to. Just make sure he is there. I will be there in spirit. I want them to feel me there. I want them to feel their Savior there. I want them to remember that families are forever. Surround them with love, both with your arms and with your words. I want them to keep on living, keep on pressing forward, but I do not want them to forget me. I will always be a part of them, but not in a creepy way of course.

So that about sums it up. This list may change or it may not. But for now, this is it. As always, please know that what I have requested, I have done so with all the love I have in my heart and do not, by any means, want to hurt or offend anyone with my wishes.

If you like jello, please, feel free to have jello at your own funeral.

If you would rather not take one of the chocolates from the bowl in my cold stiff dead hands, that's cool-- just know that they are to die for!

And finally, if you read this and one day-- after I have died-- you somehow meet my husband and want to be a part of our forever family in "that way" then by all means go for it. Just make sure it's for the right reasons and that you have a heart of pure gold because I promise you my RS friends will be watching. Some possibly with water guns in tow and others with binoculars tracing your every move.

Also, you must know that being the #1 wife, I delegate all household and child caring duties to you in our "Mansion". You get all the stinky toilet bowls, dirty dishes, poop filled diapers, and hairy dogs to wash.

Katy is a musically inclined mother of three who loves life, her husband Dave, and cheesecake. Ahhhh....blessed cheesecake. Her fun filled roller coaster of thoughts can be found at 
Admission is always free.

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