To want to be pregnant but not be.
To want to hold a little, tiny one in yours arms and enjoy.
To see a tiny ultrasound with hands and feet and think of your most recent one-
just a blob. Not going anywhere. Not becoming anything.
To have dreams where you are truly, realistically expecting a little one. A little boy,
in fact. And then to wake up to nothingness.
To have your friends become pregnant and have their cute little ones. Not just one time.
To long to be able to announce: "We're expecting!"
To wipe away the tears that flow every other night, when the world is quiet and still.
I know what it's like.
It's holy ground, to be trying and to be doing your very best.