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The Mystery of Marital Intimacy Part Three: Explaining Sex To Our Daughters

A young mother told me once how embarrassed she was when her three-year-old shared information she’d been taught in a frank Family Home Evening -- with all her Primary friends during Sharing Time.

 As the Primary President explored the question, “Why did we come to earth?” the response predictably popped up: “To get a body.”

“Yes,” Sister President said. “And we are all grateful for our bodies. I am grateful for my eyes. What part of your body are YOU grateful for?”

“My ears!”

“My nose!”

“My vagina!”

(That was our three-year-old on the front row. She had a very loud voice and enthusiasm to boot.)

Young Mother acknowledged that she forgot to teach “discretion” when she attempted that first sex-education-conversation with her child. I’m impressed she attempted it at all! Our hesitancy about what approach is best, and WHEN it is best, stops a lot of us moms in our tracks. Could the result be that our Daughters in Zion wonder in a worldly desert, unsure what it really means to cross into the Promised Land? How do we describe the milk and honey there -- so they will become warm, responsive wives someday -- without risking they’ll go over the river too soon? 

Dr. Joe Beam, Christian author of the book Becoming One Emotionally, Spiritually, Sexually maintains that it’s the lack of information which proves risky. He writes: “It’s the misguidance and misinformation that teens get from each other or provocative TV shows and moves that sets up the temptation. The truth—the light—gives the power to overcome those temptations.”

But what is "the truth"? How do we best share "the light" with our daughters?

Dr. Beam and his wife, Alice, explained it to their own teen, Joanna, this way:

“Sometimes you’ll feel strong sexual urges when you’re with a boy, especially in those times when no one is around and you want to hug and kiss and hold each other. When you feel those emotions, don’t panic. Thank God He placed them in you and that someday you’ll have wonderful fulfillment of them in marriage. God made you this way, and it’s good. But when you feel them be aware that the emotions at work within you are strong and powerful. Don’t be afraid, but know that the onset of those feelings means it’s time to end your date and come home. The sensations and emotions you feel are God’s way of giving you a preview of coming attractions that you are going to love and enjoy greatly. Don’t ruin what’s waiting for you by acting prematurely and turning what is supposed to be good and holy into something sinful and shameful. God made lovemaking in marriage good. You must exercise the discipline to keep it good by waiting until marriage to enjoy it. After you marry, you’ll pray many prayers of thanksgiving that you saved this unique ONEness for your husband.” (p. 135)

A brilliant way to explain the mystery without robbing the miracle.

Mona shares and teaches romance at Mona's Musings with a Hint of Romance and posts daily at Mona's Musings on Facebook. She is the mother of four plus three, grandmother of two little boys, and the award-winning author or With Mine Own Hand: The Musical Account of Nephi. Invite her to speak at your Relief Society on "Understanding, Appreciating, and Supporting the Men in Our Lives" (husbands, sons, fathers, brothers) and she'll turn your world upside down -- in a wonderful way. (Visit her blog for contact info.)

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