I'm Sixteen and Totally Depressed, What Do I Do? {what got me through}
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I'm finally ready to talk about what I went through last year. I'm sixteen years old and this is my story in my own words.
A year ago today I was struggling with depression and trying to pull myself out of it. I watched as one of my mom's closest friends passed away. I watched as another man, who may as well be a member of my moms family, was in a motorcycle crash and I watched as some of my parents cousins, aunts, and uncles struggled with health and some pf them also died. The hardest thing of all was watching my cousin in the hospital battling with a head trauma and in a coma for three months.
He passed away two days before my 15th birthday.
I was also struggling with friends.
I was dealing with some internal strife because I was not popular (something I am now very proud of). My saddness was taking a toll on my health and I was watching my mom work really hard at work, only to come home and be exhausted. Because my mom was working so hard, I took on a lot more responsiblities to try and help her. I would cook a couple of days a week. I would clean. I would take care of my siblings. I would do a lot of "the mom stuff", but I wasn't mentally and emotionally stable. And doing all of these things -- at sixteen -- was physically and emotionally exhausting.
I stopped caring. I wouldn't do anything at school, and I wouldn't talk to my friends unless they talked to me (so I became a horrible friend, after spending so many years trying to become a loyal and trusting friend for everyone else. I am still making up for this).
I came home from school, would sometimes throw things in the oven, pick up big things through-out the house, and then I would curl up and sleep. Sometimes I would go days without eating. Because of this I spent a lot of time under weight, and I still have to talk myself into eating. I had no social life because I was spending so much time being depressed. I refused to go do fun things with my friends.
On my 15th birthday I got really sick, and my mom picked me up from school and took me home. As soon as I got home, I curled up in my bed and bawled. Thinking "I get another year, but my cousin doesn't, and mom's friend doesn't, and her uncle doesn't, and my dad's uncle doesn't. My cousin had to spend time in the hospital, while I was healthy except for my regular cold and fever. My "may-as-well-be-Uncle" was in a motor cycle crash, but after time in the hospital he is completely healthy and is able to walk. Why must I be so healthy, while so many I love are sick, and dead??"
I spent my birthday SO SAD I couldn't even get out of bed.
Around the end of November, I was upset with how I had been living my life and decided it was about time to make myself happy. But I couldn't do it alone, and that's when A.R. came into my life.
It was the end of semester and time to switch up classes. A.R. was placed into two classes with me. Seminary, and floriculture. She had been in my group of friends the previous year, but we had never gotten to know each other.
After getting to know one another, I started telling her what I was going through. And instead of giving me all this advice I didn't want to hear, like so many other people had done, she just looked at me and said "well, that's stupid. Just make yourself feel happy"
She instantly became my best friend. She would just sit there and listen to me talk, and not say anything, which was exactly what I needed to hear. She stood up for me. She gave me the perfect advice that I wanted and needed to hear.
There were days where I would be mad, and we would go outside and scream at each other and yell and get out our anger. Then we would walk over to hug each other and then go to lunch.
There were days where I would hide in the bathroom and cry, and she was always the first one there, and she would curl up with me and cry too.
After about a month, we would laugh together, and joke together. We just felt happy to see each other. She started making me go to parties, and getting out. After crying and fighting through the pain, she wouldn't allow me to go back. She helped me gain back hurt friendships, she helped me gain a testimony that had been lost, and she helped me learn to live, knowing there was a reason I was alive. Even though so many I loved were not alive.
A year later, I am a social butterfly, expect to see me at your next party.
I am living to become a stable mother for my children. I am working at becoming a great wife. And I am a better friend now than I have ever been. I spent my 16th birthday with some of my closest friends at a football game.
I think there was a reason A.R's schedule changed right at the new semester, I think she was what I needed to help me through that year. She has been such a blessing in my life. She is still my best friend, and I love her so much. And I know Heavenly Father put us together for a reason. She was exactly the help I needed.
Now I can say that I am so grateful that I was able to go through that experience. Even though it was hard, I learned a lot and it has forced me to be happy. I know my Heavenly Father knows me by name and is aware of me. I am so grateful to be a member of His church and for the knowledge that the gospel has given me about how things are Eternal.
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About the Author: This cute teenage author has chosen to remain anonymous.
