Neighbor: Hey! I heard the great news! Congratulations! That's awesome!!
Me: (stumbling a bit) Uhh. Thanks? What great news?
Neighbor: Oh. You know. The news you're not sharing with anyone! I'm super excited for you!
Me: No. I don't know what you mean... Are you talking about my new job?
Neighbor: No. The OTHER good news. You know, the news you are not telling everyone... (wink wink. nudge nudge. say no more, say no more.)
Me: Seriously. I have no idea what you are talking about.
Neighbor: (sigh) Your new baby. Your son told the entire neighborhood that you're pregnant.
Neighbor: Now. Don't get mad. He's just excited. He said he hopes you're going to have a boy because he hates being the lone boy in the family.
Me: oh no. holy cow wuh the WUH-WUH??
Neighbor: Yeah! How exciting! I'm so excited for you! Are you so excited, too?
Me: No. No I'm not.
Neighbor: Oh, you're not? Really? Why?
Me: Oh man. Uhhh... wha? I'm... WHAT?? Seriously. WHAT! THE! CRAP?? He told everyone? Really?
Neighbor: Yeah, he told everyone at scouts last night, too! It was super cute, he's so excited! When is your baby due?
Me: Oh. Wow. Umm... Like, oh, I don't know... How 'bout NEVER!
Me: Seriously. I'm totally not pregnant. Like way, WAY not pregnant.
Neighbor: You're not? Really? Are you sure?
Me: Yes. Totally. I'm 100% sure I'm not pregnant. I just started my "comma" for Google's Sake!! I'm totally sure I'm not having a baby, nor do I plan on having any more babies in the future ever. He's gonna have to be happy being the lone, spoiled boy in this family because we're d-o-n-e - DONE.
Neighbor: Oh... Well... This is awkward.
Me: Yeah. To say the least. Why would he even say that?
Neighbor: Well, he said you parked in the "Expecting Mother" parking spot at the grocery store and he got really excited. He figured you just weren't telling him until you were sure it was a boy.
Me: Ummm, No. I parked there because it was raining and it was the closest spot to the front door. I'm lazy like that.
Elisa is the owner of Mormon Mommy Blogs and co-founder of The Casual Blogger Network, which has the best blogging magazine since, like, EVER. A husband, four kids (ages 17 to 4), a mortgage and a crazy boxer dog provides her food for fodder on her non-award winning blog: Crazyland: Tales from the Motherboard.