So what do we do? We try to gain control. We figure if we can control every aspect of their lives, we can make our spouses make good choices.
Unfortunately, that's not a realistic plan, because every one has agency to make their own choices.
Living with an addict hurts.
It's also completely out of your control, and that fact that will not change.
I want to tell you this: Do not become addicted to obsessing over your husbands addiction!
Nothing good will come from it. You'll be worried that without your policing, he'll fall even further into his addiction. This is not so. Watching your spouse so closely damages your relationship further, and he'll become very creative in his means to hide his addiction.
Instead, I want to tell you to: Focus on becoming the very best you!
You cannot change his choices, but this does not mean you need to sit idly by while his life spins out of control, taking your life, and the lives of your children with him. Pornography may have distorted his priorities, but you do not have to let them distort yours.
What things are important in your life? What makes you the person you are? What things about yourself do you really like? What hobbies did you have before you became a parole officer to your husband?
For me, healing came when I started running. I was doing something that made me happy, healthy, and boosted my self confidence. Then, I started taking piano lessons, and I had yet another talent that I loved to cultivate.
When I was learning, growing, and trying to focus on who I was, instead of where my husband lacked, I recognized my worth. While doing these things, in addition to strengthening myself spiritually, I realized that I truly am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I have inherited divine qualities which I strive to develop. I learned to love myself. I learned that my husbands addiction in no way inhibits who I am, and I? Am awesome.
When I had my own hobbies, interests and knowledge of who I was, it gave my husband opportunities to support me in my activities. I was bothering him less, so he started talking more, not necessarily about his addiction, but became more open about himself. Our relationship has become more equal. We have become more balanced.
Now when bad decisions are made, I can put them into the right perspective because I live my life the best I know how. And yes, bad things happen, but they can never eclipse the sun, or The Son.
Is pornography out of my life forever? No. Am I perfect now? Of course not, but I can choose to be happy despite the trials that threaten to overwhelm me.
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Amy is the wife of one and mother of two who hangs out in Washington State. She loves to run, talk about running, think about running, and eat - a lot (still related to running). She loves to play the piano until the kids go crazy. And eat, oh boy she loves to eat! You can follow all her crazy adventures on her blog Run Mom Run or you can like her page on facebook. And dropping by with a treat (you can mail it if you live far away) is always appreciated!