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Why Me?

After my last post about my husband's addiction went live something happened that I wasn't expecting.

Though not many of you said anything, I strongly felt the yearning from so many of you for more. I feel sorely under qualified to give you the advice that you quietly sought. I knew that I needed to do a follow up post, but I had no idea what my follow up would be. Then I remembered one of the most yearning questions I had during the most trying times.

Why me?

There were times I felt so alone. Although I intellectually knew that others around me were also suffering through trials, for a long time I didn't personally know anyone who was going through what I was going through. I only had the Lord to share my burdens with, and honestly there were times I wasn't sure he was listening.

Although the cause of the pain may be different, there is a time in everyone's life where they find themselves sobbing on the floor feeling the depths of despair wondering "why me?"

It felt like I was surrounded by strong and amazing people. People who could handle anything with grace, courage and an incredible amount of faith. For a long time I told myself it was because they had it easy. They don't know what real trials are. It's so easy to be happy when you haven't ever had the foundation your life is based on swept out from under you. I envied their seemingly calm lives.

Then one day I realized, that the people who seem to be the incredible giants of faith, those people who seemed not to waiver as a storm brews around them are usually those who have suffered the greatest trials. They are the ones who have been through the refiners fire multiple times. They are the ones who have borne burdens that would crumble me.

And the result of that refiners fire is clear. They have come out the other end stronger, more faithful, and more loving. They no longer can have the foundation of their lives swept out from under them because the foundation of their life was not anything earthly, their foundation is based on the one thing that truly is firm, Our Savior.

I realized that I had been given an opportunity to build my life on a foundation that did not rely on others around me making good choices. I could build my life on faith in Jesus Christ. I didn't have to wait for my husband, I could do it myself. Although ideally my husband I would do these things together, I didn't have to wait for him to get started. Because no one else, not even my husband, could make my good choices for me. Ultimately "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

Amy is the wife of one and mother of two who hangs out in Washington State. She loves to run, talk about running, think about running, and eat - a lot (still related to running). She loves to play the piano until the kids go crazy. And eat, oh boy she loves to eat! You can follow all her crazy adventures on her blog Run Mom Run or you can like her page on facebook. And dropping by with a treat (you can mail it if you live far away) is always appreciated!

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