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A Broken Heart

Once upon a time and happily ever after sound wonderful don't they?  Thoughts of Fairy tales, love, happiness, eternities, and families fill our hearts and minds.  But between Once upon a time and Happily ever after, there is the in between.  Sandwiched right there in the middle, the in between, isn't always glamorous and is sometimes down right tough.

Once upon a time, I didn't like my husband.  I know what you are dare she say that!  What kind of wife....Well, it's true!  And he will admit now that he was downright crabby, short tempered and unbearable.  In return I became resentful.  We weren't even really friendly to each other and we began to distance ourselves.

I know a lot of people in today's society may have just quit at that point, but because I made temple covenants with my husband and God, I decided to try a little harder...and partly because I am a stubborn Swede.  Other people can't be changed, so I decided to try and change myself and my reactions to him.

When I was little and had friendship troubles, my mom's advice was always kill 'em with kindness.  So, that is what I vowed to do with my husband.  When he would come home grouchy and mouthy, I would throw my arms around him and tell him I loved him.  I touched him more, thanked him, praised him.  When he was engrossed in sports and ignoring me instead of feeling resentful, I would sit on his lap and kiss him and just cuddle.  In the beginning, I did not want to do this.  I felt angry inside and wondered why couldn't he see he should be doing this for me?  It was interesting how receptive he was to me, and how he began to change.  My feelings began to change, too.  I no longer disliked him, I actually loved him again.  I rediscovered my best friend.  Then I began to realize that maybe it wasn't him at all!  Maybe he was reacting to me and my withdrawal of affection the whole time!  DING, DING, DING!  I had been a major wench!  (to say it nicely).  

I am grateful for a marriage that could withstand my 'Monster' stage and for a loving Heavenly Father pointing me in the right direction.  I share this because, I hear of so many marriages breaking up these days...friends that had good marriages or what seemed that way to me.  I have seen friends at work walk away from 20+ year marriages.  My heart weeps for these people and their loss of love and companionship and I think they should just try to follow my mommy's advice and  "Kill each other with kindness" they continue working toward that Happily Ever After.

What marriage advice would you give 
to someone struggling with their Happily Ever After?

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Lisa is the mother to one Air Force Son, one Missionary Son and one Sophomore in High School daughter.  She has been married for 24 years to her best friend and blogs at That's What She Said...

Image Credit: Free Stock Photos

* A version of this article was originally published on Lisa's blog in February of 2010 here

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